Helping Hands
Here, you will find a few topics discussed in detail that may benefit you. The topics will vary and are just a starting point of knowledge. They will include books and things you may want to look into further. Please know that these information pages were not all developed by me but by a class I took in college. We were given permission to distribute them to parents who wanted to know the information. I hope you find some of them helpful.
Making Friends:
Introduction to Helping Hands © Making Friends!
As children grow and develop, they make friends along the way. These friends are important parts of the children’s lives. In order to help children form great friendships, we need to know about how children make friends and how to help them do so.
Children begin to play in a friendship relationship right around preschool age. Before that age, children engage in parallel play, during which the children play alone right beside each other. Throughout elementary school, they make friends but may change friends often, and by the time children are around ten years old, they have more long-lasting friendships. If a child has difficulty making friends, it could be due to a variety of things, one of which could be medical conditions like Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Even an especially intellectually gifted child may have trouble making friends.
Fortunately, there are many things we can do to help. One way is to take the child to a variety of places and activities where he or she has an opportunity to make friends. These could include enrolling the child in a sport, club, or a special hobby class such a pottery or drawing studio. Help the child feel confident, perhaps by practicing with an adult or in the mirror, and show the child how to be a good friend by sharing, compromising, listening, and being generally concerned for another. When setting up a play date, make sure to keep the play date short at first so that the children don’t become too tired. It might help to role-play a play date with the child beforehand. If play does not spontaneously begin, providing an engaging activity such as coloring or painting could help.
If the child is shy and shows consistent negative feelings when trying to make friends, that child may not be ready to engage in these types of relationships yet. Be patient and let the child make friends when he or she feels ready.
Friendships are not only enjoyable but also provide confidence for children as they grow, develop, and learn about the world.
References
Brockenbrough, M. (2009). Friendship 101: Why friends are important, and how to help your kids succeed. Retrieved from http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/Features/Columns/?article=friends6ways
Iannelli, V. (2007). Making and keeping friends. Retrieved from http://pediatrics.about.com/od/growthanddevelopment/a/0807_mk_friends.htm
(2009). Kids’ health: Child and youth health. Retrieved from http://www.cyh.com/SubDefault.aspx?p=255
Websites for Families
(2009). Child & family webguide: Expert reviewed sites on children and families. Retrieved from http://www.cfw.tufts.edu/
(2009). Family education: Parenting advice, activities for children, family games & recipes. Retrieved from http://www.familyeducation.com
(2009). Kids’ health: Child and youth health. Retrieved from http://www.cyh.com/SubDefault.aspx?p=255
Helpful Books for Children
Espeland, P. (2006). Making choices and making friends: The social competencies assets. Minneapolis: Free Spirit.
Meiners, C. J. (2003). Join in and play. Minneapolis: Free Spirit.
Michelle, L. (1997). How kids make friends: Secrets for making lots of friends, no matter how shy you are. Evanston, IL: Freedom.
Rogers, F. (1987). Making friends. New York: Putnam & Grosset.
Shapiro, L. E. (2008). Let’s be friends: A workbook to help kids learn social skills & make great friends. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
Helpful Books for Parents
Bloomquist, M. L. (2005). Skills training for children with behavior problems, revised edition: A parent and practitioner guidebook. New York: Guilford.
Condrell, K. (2006). The unhappy child: What every parent needs to know. United States: Prometheus.
Ingersoll, B. D. (2001). Lonely, sad, and angry: How to help your unhappy child. United States: Specialty Press.
Rapoport, E. M. (2009). ADHD and social skills: A step-by-step guide for teachers and parents. United States: Rowman & Littlefield.
Thompson, M. (2002). Best friends, worst enemies: Understanding the social lives of children. United States: Ballantine.
Discipline:
According to numericlife It is so hard to discipline children nowadays. We used many approaches: time-outs, removal of privileges, yelling and spanking. Sometimes they work, many times they don't, and we give up. In a survey of more than 2,000 parents of children between the ages of 2 and 11,conducted by numericlife, researchers have found that more than 38% were using the same discipline methods their own parents used on them as a child. Overall, 45% of the parents using time-outs as a disciplinary action. Almost 42% removed their child's privileges, followed by 13% who resorted to yelling and 9% who opted to spank their children. Here is the bummer though- almost 31% of participants reported they believed their methods were not effective
So now the question is what kind of discipline should you use at your home?
According to familyeducation.com the seven most effective, kindest, most positive disciplinary techniques out there are education, expressing disapproval, having a little discussion, ignoring, separation and replacement, time-outs, and warnings. All these types of discipline show effectiveness when used in the right context.
Education is a disciplinary technique using education as a direct consequence of misbehavior. Education is an opportunity to move your child to thoughtful from his normal stance as thoughtless. In many cases, a child's misbehavior is based in ignorance. Racial slurs, or physically risky behavior (like smoking and driving too fast), can often be corrected easier and more effectively by a specifically educational response than by other forms of discipline (like scolding or making rules).
Expressing Disapproval is the simplest and most effective way of changing a child's behavior is to let her know that you disapprove of it. State your objections clearly, and give reasons. When your child hears your disappointment or disapproval, she may shape up. Your child needs your approval. Disapproval works when it is stated clearly-once. Don't nag, rub it in, carry on, or hold disapproval as a grudge.
When something goes wrong, the first and best response of all is usually to sit down and talk about it. Often, open communication is all that is needed to change behavior, or to make sure that a certain misbehavior doesn't happen again. All through this book are communication techniques you can use in your talks. You can talk with your child alone during special time and during family meetings.Use your discussions to point out natural consequences that might occur from the misbehavior. Kids sometimes need help seeing the chain of events, and understanding why they happen.
Ignoring: When you're faced with mild, irritating misbehavior, sometimes the best response is to ignore it. Ignoring is a very active behavior; it doesn't mean just letting it slide and neglecting your child. Ignoring a behavior requires: Making an active decision to ignore it, Paying attention silently while you are actively ignoring it, or Developing a poker face-a relaxed body, and straight, unimpressed face-and refuse to get riled by the annoying behavior. Kids often try out annoying behavior patterns, and, the more attention that is paid, the worse the patterns get. Ignoring is gentle, and it works. It's based on the premise that, for your child, negative attention will give him more satisfaction than will getting no attention.
Separation and Replacement: If Kids are bickering over an object take it away. If you separate a child from an object, make sure you replace the activity with something productive.
Time-outs separate a child from a situation in order to “break” the action and reset it on a new track. Time-outs take the child out of an environment that is reinforcing the negative behavior. For school age kids, time-outs shouldn't always be timed, they should allow the child enough time to change his mood on his own.
Parenting Books on Discipline:
Phelan, T. W. (2003). 1-2-3 Magic: effective discipline for children 2-12. Parent magic Inc.
Addressing the task of disciplining children ages 2 through 12 without arguing, yelling, or spanking. This audio program offers easy-to-follow steps to immediately manage troublesome behavior with reason, patience, and compassion. Parents and teachers learn how to encourage and respect children’s growing independence with 10 strategies for building self-esteem. Also discussed are the three most important qualities for parents or teachers to exhibit in order to foster competence in kids. Tips are included on how to prevent homework arguments, make mealtimes more enjoyable, conduct effective family meetings, and encourage children to start doing their household chores. How to avoid over-parenting, build children’s social skills, and apply the program within mental health agencies and classrooms.
Divinyi, J (2004). Discipline That Works: 5 Simple Steps . Wellness Connection.
Helps readers understand the difference between discipline and punishment. It provides guidelines and suggestions for helping young people learn from mistakes by teaching them self-control skills and new ways to handle difficult situations.
Barkley, Russell, (1998). Your Defiant Child: 8 Steps to Better Behavior . Guilford Publications Inc.
Every child has "ornery" moments, but more than 1 in 20 American children exhibit behavioral problems that are out of control. For readers struggling with an unyielding or combative child, this book offers the understanding and guidance they need. The book clearly explains what causes defiance, when it becomes a problem, and how it can be resolved. The book's comprehensive eight-step program stresses consistency and cooperation, promoting changes through a system of praise, rewards, and discipline. Learn tools and strategies for establishing clear patterns of discipline, communicating with children on a level they can understand, and reducing family stress overall. Filled with helpful charts, questionnaires, and checklists that will help get your family back on track and restore harmony in the home.
Leman, K (2005). Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours . Baker Publishing Group.
A compassionate and no-nonsense approach to child raising that teaches parents how to reasonably command discipline from their children while cultivating their love and respect.
Severe, S (2003). How to Behave So Your Child Will, Too! . Penguin Group (USA) Incorporated.
Shows why a child's behavior is often a reflection of the parents' behavior, and how, by making changes themselves, parents can achieve dramatic results in their children.
Instead of focusing on what children do wrong, this book teaches you what you can do right, by emphasizing the positive (reinforcing good behavior instead of criticizing your child), by being consistent (not giving in to misbehavior just to placate your child), and by being more patient, recognizing that children often operate on a different time schedule. It teaches you how to teach your children to behave, to listen -- the first time -- and to be more cooperative. It shows you how to manage your anger and how to prevent arguments and power struggles.
Children Books on Discipline:
Peck, L (2005). Choosing the Right Club. Golden Wings Enterprises.
A good way to instruct children is by using fictional characters that they can relate to in real life. One of the best series of books utilizing this approach is Lisa J. Pack's "Choosing the Right". Let the lead character, Brittany, show your children how to make the right behavior choices.
Sendak, M (1988). Where The Wild Things Are. HarperCollins Publishers.
Max is sent to bed without supper and imagines sailing away to the land of Wild Things, where he is made king. As you travel with him you see him experience the consequences of his actions.
Lord, C (2008). Rules. Scholastic Inc.
Twelve-year-old Catherine just wants a normal life. Which is near impossible when you have a brother with autism and a family that revolves around his disability. She's spent years trying to teach David the rules from "a peach is not a funny-looking apple" to "keep your pants on in public"---in order to head off David's embarrassing behaviors.
But the summer Catherine meets Jason, a surprising, new sort-of friend, and Kristi, the next-door friend she's always wished for, it's her own shocking behavior that turns everything upside down and forces her to ask: What is normal?
Verdict, E (2003). Teeth Are Not For Biting . Free Spirit Publishing Inc.
“Crunch crunch crunch. Teeth are strong and sharp. Crunch crunch crunch. Teeth can help you chew. But teeth are not for biting. Ouch! Biting hurts.” Sooner or later, almost all young children will bite someone—a friend, a parent, a sibling. This upbeat, colorful, virtually indestructible book helps prevent biting and teaches positive alternatives. Gives reasons why children might want to bite. Little mouths feel sore when new teeth come in; sometimes kids bite when they’re hungry, tired, cranky, frustrated, angry, bored, distressed, or seeking attention.
Agassi, M (2006). Hands are not for hitting. Free Spirit Publishing Inc.
Children learn that violence is never okay, that they can manage their anger and other strong feelings, and that they’re capable of positive, loving actions—like playing, making music, learning, counting, helping, taking care, and much more. Includes a special section for adults with activities and discussion starters.
Helpful Websites on Discipline:
Dr. Mac (200). Dr. Mac’s Behavior Management Site. Retrieved from http://www.behavioradvisor.com/
Nelsen, J (2009). Positive Discipline: creating respectful relationships in home and school. Retrieved from http://www.positivediscipline.com/
The Master Teacher Inc (2002). You Can Handle Them All: a reference for handling over 117 misbehaviors at home and school. Retrieved from http://www.disciplinehelp.com/
I'm Sleepy
A Bedtime Routine
Welcome to Helping Hands©!
This program offers a helping hand for children dealing with various situations that may arise in their lives. This information can be helpful for your entire family or one you may know. The people best equipped to help a child are the people closest to them. Children are precious complex things, asking for help is never a weakness but not asking when help is available is.
Each Helping Hands binder contains a list of children and parenting books that pertain to a subject, useful websites, and information on the related topic.
Every family, every child, is different. And we had to experiment a lot to find that out. (childrenssleepproject.com/tag/bedtime-routine/)
Welcome to I’m Sleepy, A Bedtime Routine
Children love and need security; one tested way to achieve a sense of security is to establish routines. Experts say children need 9-12 hours of sleep a night (Psychcentral.com). Such a big chunk of their day requires special attention. They are younger, their bodies and minds are still growing now is the time to mold them into great adults.
Getting a child to bed can be one of the greatest hassles of child rearing. Every child thinks their families are having the time of their lives while they are shut in a dark room. This Helping Hands© Binder contains ideas, suggestions and tools to make going to bed a nurturing healthy affair.
Children who get enough sleep are more likely to function better and are less prone to behavioral problems and moodiness (sleepforkids.org).
According to the National Sleep Foundation's (NSF) 2004 Sleep in America poll about 69 percent of children 10 and under experience some type of sleep problem (sleepforkids.org).
Now that you understand why bedtime is so important indulge in this binder. It contains information about healthy bedtime routines, alternate solutions to a child who won’t go to bed, books about bedtime for children and adults, helpful websites, as well as other useful information.
References For Children’s Books
Arnold, T. (1987). No Jumping on the Bed. New York: Penguin Group USA.
This book is about a boy who jumps on his bed too hard and crashes through the many levels of his apartment complex. He sees a different scene in every floor. It exaggerates the consequences of not going to bed when portrayed in a funny manner.
Boynton, S. (2009). (Pookie Books). New York: Robin Corey Books.
It's evening, and mom patiently eases Pookie, an adorable piglet, toward bed. Pookie cooperates (mostly)--though with that particular Pookie flair. Told in Boynton's signature rhyme and illustrations, this humorous and gentle story will bring joy to all who open its pages.
Brown, M. W. (2005). Goodnight Moon, 60th Anniversary Edition. New York: HarperCollins.
This book makes almost any child sleepy. Its repetitious phrases of Night-Night, Little Pookie telling the whole house goodnight makes a child ready to say goodnight by the final page. It travels in and out of the house telling everything goodnight.
Mayer, M. (2001). Just Go to Bed (Pictureback(R)). New York: Random ). Just Go to Bed House Books for Young Readers.
This Book follows a young hedgehog and his dad going through the boys bedtime routine. The boy finds imaginative reasons for not going to bed. For example the boy is taking a bath and he claims he is the commander of a submarine and can't leave his troops to drown.
Schade, B. &. (1988). I Love You Goodnight. New York: Simon & Schuster Children's Publishing.
This Book goes follows a mother and a daughter through the various stages of bedtime, such as brushing her teeth and taking a bath. While the mother and daughter exchange how much they love each other. For example the little girl says "I love you like a frog loves flies!" and the mom replies, "I love you like a pig loves pies!"
References For Parenting Books
C., P., & Friman, P. (2005). Good Night, Sweet Dreams, I Love You: Now Get Into Bed And Go To Sleep!. Boys Town: Boys Town Press
Child psychologist Dr. Patrick Friman outlines the problems related to bedtime for children from infancy through middle school and gives you advice and tips on how to handle them. In many cases, he provides several options so you can choose the approach you feel most comfortable with. His suggestions can help end those bedtime hassles and get you and your child the good nights sleep you both need. Winner of The National Parenting Center Spring 2005 Seal of Approval
Canter, L., & Canter, M. (1996). No More Bedtime Battles: Simple Solutions to Bedtime Problems (Effective Parenting Books Series). Los Angeles: Canter & Associates.
One can read this book in about 45 minutes, which is a plus for the very busy parent. The information is presented in a very straightforward manner. There are helpful tips for all types of different bedtime battles, from the child who gets out of bed a million times to the child who refuses to turn off the TV to get in bed. This book seems to be geared more towards school age children.
Macgregor, C. (2005). Everything Get Your Baby to Sleep Book: Solve Common Problems So You Can Rest, Too (Everything: Parenting and Family). Avon: Adams Media Corporation.
Your baby seems tired-she acts cranky and fussy-but when you put her down for a nap or bedtime, why won't she sleep? Is she hungry, is it too loud or too bright, or is she sick or uncomfortable? Which of these factors really keep her from sleeping through the night? With The Everything(r) Get Your Baby to Sleep Book, you'll learn to read your baby's needs-from establishing a bedtime routine and soothing your baby to sleep to finding the right crib and getting your baby used to new surroundings
Nelsen, M. R. (1996). The Terrific, No Tears Bedtime Book. Washington: Partners In Learning, Inc..
This little book is a dynamite solution because it has a definite, no tears ending to a well-defined ritual. Children love the book because all the choices are theirs. When children feel "ownership" of something, they are ready to cooperate. Parents love the book because it takes the tears out of bedtime and puts a happy ending on the day for everyone.
(2005). The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers: Gentle Ways to Stop Bedtime Battles and Improve Your Childs Sleep: Foreword by Dr. Harvey Kar [NO-CRY SLEEP SOLUTION FOR TODD]. New York: McGraw-Hill.
Getting babies to sleep through the night is one thing; getting willful toddlers and energetic preschoolers to sleep is another problem altogether. Written to help sleep-deprived parents of children ages one to five, The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers offers loving solutions to help this active age-group get the rest they, and their parents, so desperately need.
Websites To Check Out
1. http://www.sleepforkids.org/html/sheet.html
2. http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-value-of-a-childs-bedtime-routine/
3. http://childrenssleepproject.com/tag/bedtime-routine/
Autism
Autism
One out of every one- hundred and sixty-six births are children born with autism. It is the fastest-growing developmental disability In America.Autism is four times more prevalent in boys than in girls. More than eighty percent of millions of Americans with an autistic disorder are males. (Kunzig)“Autism is a spectrum of characteristics that range from children with significant cognitive and verbal impairment to those children who are extremely high functioning.” (Autism Society America)
Some children with autism will face issues like physical aggression, self-injury and tantrums. Displaying social skills is a challenge for those with autism. Even the high functioning autistic children have difficulty with social skills. Communication might include speech patterns or restricted topics. It might also be hard for a student with autism to enjoy a game with other people, but instead be strongly into computers or video games; activities they can do alone. Rockingor pacing back and forth can also be a sign of autism.Young autistic children seem to be unusually organized, lining up shoes in order, etc. Autistic children do more synthesizing than empathizing. This means they do not interpret emotional feelings of others; they relate more to things.Physical aggression includes hitting others or destroying objects. (Institute for Educational Development)
The interaction between teachers and parents of children with autism is very crucial. The key to an autistic child’s growth and development is connected directly to the child’s parent and teacher relationship. As a teacher, the most important piece of information I can give to parents is to not wait and see if your child “grows out” of autistic characteristics. Often parents hope that the signs they see their child show of autism will just disappear. The best thing that you can do for your child is to get them tested as soon as you have any indication that they might have autism. Early diagnosis is crucial to a child’s success. A psychologist or doctor that has experience and knowledge about autism can make an initial diagnosis.If your child is diagnosed with autism, the next step that a parent must take is to educate him/herself on the topic. By reading this Helping Hands packet, you as parents will gain some basic information on autism. As a parent, it will be helpful to gain information about what your child will be going through and how you can best help them succeed academically and sociallyalong the way.
When it comes to informing your child that they have autism it is important that it is meaningful to them. Do not give your child too much information that may make them feel overwhelmed. Overtime you can give them more information. If your child seems very interested in learning more about autism, it would be great for them to read some grade-level appropriate books to help them better understand the disorder. If your child has questions, make sure to understand what they are asking and make your response meaningful. Some children may take a longer time to process what they are being told. A couple months later, they could come to you with questions. It is also beneficial to some children to meet others with the same diagnosis. It might help them to better understand themselves and the world around them. By seeing that other children have autism, it will help them see that they are not alone.
Some tips for parents to help your child would be to establish a daily method of communication between home and school. Like I stated before, it is crucial that the communication between parents and teachers is clear and understood. Having a daily routine and schedule are very important. Autistic children love to know what they are doing and what is coming up. When the routine is messed up it can cause lots of stress and frantic behavior. Another tip for parents would be to forgive and move on to the future. Try not to dwell on past mistakes, but keep your mind open to what is to come. Parents can suggest to their child to make friends with other classmates and adults at school. It is important that parents don’t give their child too many suggestions at once. It is better to give minimal suggestions over time. Use non-verbal communication such as pointing or thumbs up. Try to always use a calm voice. Offer your child helping books or articles about autism so that they can learn more about themselves and how they can help themselves in the future. If your child struggles with keeping anger built up inside, suggest e-mail, poetry or even acting. Checklists are very helpful for children with autism. (Indiana’s Autism Leadership Network.)
As a teacher, I will help teach your child many things that will help him or her with their future and living with autism. I will teach them good communication, friendship, how to focus on others, conversation phrases and when to use them, plus many other useful topics. Schedule, routine, and structure will be emphasized in my classroom. It is my goal to work with parents hand in hand to help their child receive the best education.
Books for Students:
Jackson, L. (2003) Freeks, geeks and Asperger Syndrome: A user guide to adolescence. Philidelphia,PA. Jessica Kingsley Publishers Ltd.
Lawson, W.(2003). Build your own life: A self-help guide for individuals with Asperger syndrome. Philadelphia, PA: Jessica Kingsley Publishers Ltd.
Gerland,G. (2000). Finding out about asperger syndome, highfunctioning austism and PDD. Philidelphia, PA: Jessica Kingsley Publishers. Ltd.
Edwards, A. (2001).Taking Autism to School. New York. JayJo Books, L.L.C.
Thompson,M.(2002).Andy and His Yellow Frisbe. Bonnie Sayers.
Books For Parents:
Freeman, Sabrina. (1996). Teach Me Language: A Language Manual for Children With Autism, Asperger’s Syndrome and Related Developmental Disorders. Skf books.
Notbohm, Ellen and Zysk, Veronica.(2004) 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders. Texas: Furture Horizons
Hall, K. (2001).Asperger Syndome, the universe and everything. Philadelphia, PA: Jessica Kinsley Publishers Ltd.
Newport, J. (2001). Your life is not a label.
Arlington,TX: Future Horizons, Inc.
Willey, L.H. (1999). Pretending to be normal: Living with Asperger Syndome. Philadelphia, PA: Jessica Kingsley Publishers, Ltd.
Death In The Family
Dear Reader,
Life can have many struggles and obstacles to overcome. Sometimes it is during these difficult times we could use a helping hand the most. This is my offer to you, to be your helping hand whenever you need support in your life. Whether it is nutrition for your family, discipline, or dealing with the stress of life I will be your helping hand. I feel this is my duty as a teacher to be there for my students and their family during there times of hardship. That is why I have Helping Hand binders located in my room to help provide support for you whenever you find yourself in need of a hand. These Helping Hand binders are here for you to use whenever a time of need arises for you. Please never hesitate to ask for a Helping Hand. Please refer to the following page for the list of Helping Hand binders, and for information on how to check out the binders.
Sincerely,
Maggie A. Raab
(812) 212-4757
[email protected]
In order to keep Helping Hands running efficiently I would greatly appreciate if the following procedure was used. Please first contact me through email, phone, or in person whichever method is easiest for you. I will then have a sheet in the back of the binder where I will right your name, the date from when you may take it, and the day you will need to please return it. If there is ever an instance when you cannot return the binder on the date please just notify me. Here is a list of the Helping Hand binders I have located in my classroom.
· I have a new baby sister/brother
· Someone in my family died
· My pet died
· Can I help? (responsibility)
· Green beans are good (nutrition)
· I’m sleepy (bedtime routine)
· I can’t breathe (asthma)
· What’s for dinner (family dinners)
· Someone in my family is in the hospital
· My parents don’t live together anymore (separation, divorce, or single families)
· Sibling rivalry
Someone in my Family Died
Dealing with death of a loved one is hard part of life to cope with. It provides hard obstacles to overcome not only for adults, but for young children too. Sometimes it can be harder for young child because they are unable to communicate how they feel or are unsure of what they are feeling. Here are tips to help talk to your children about death, and ways for the children to cope.
· It is NEVER too soon to talk about death with your child. They have a right to know and understand death especially if it has or will happen to a loved one soon.
· Begin talking to the children about death using a plants life first to make sure the child understands the process. They need to understand that there is a birth to everything and a death to all living organisms. This will also allow children to ask questions and share their thoughts about death.
· Another purpose for starting your discuss on death this way is to help steer the child away from having fearful thoughts about someone they love dying right now.
· After discussing death with your child be ready for questions such as “Will you die?” The best way to answer this is honestly saying yes I will but no one knows when that will happen.
· Be careful how you word someone dying such as the feel asleep and will not be waking up again because this could frighten the child into not wanting to sleep. Or saying they went away and are not coming back. This might lead the child to be afraid to go somewhere such as a family trip for fear they will not come back.
· It is also important the child knows that it is not just older people who die. Sometimes unfortunate events happen to young people, which lead to their death. It is also these deaths that can be the hardest for families to deal with because they happen so fast. This is one of the hardest because there is no time for the family to prepare themselves mentally for the loss of this person, as there would be in the case of someone being terminally ill.
· Discuss your faith or beliefs with the child about what happens to the person after the have died. For example, they are in heaven now living with the rest of the family that has passed on.
· It is important to look at photo albums or visit the grave with the child to help them remember the loved one they lost. This person will always be apart of the family; therefore, should remain in memories and discussions. Plus sometimes talking about them can help through the grieving process.
· Have your child draw pictures or write a story to help them through their grieving process. Using a creative outlet is a great way to express your feelings and share your thoughts.
· Let child attend the funeral with the child wishes. This helps the child not to be in denial about the death and allows them to actively participate in the grieving process with the family.The funeral also provides a chance for the child to see how people comfort one another and honor his/her life.
· Be up front with the child about what events will be happening in the following days so they are better prepared for what will be happening.
· Find support to help you through your struggling time. This support could come from family, friends, your church or faith, a support group, or from a therapist.
· You also must remember that during this time of grief you must take care of yourself. This is through facing your feelings and not letting people tell you how to feel or even tell yourself how to feel. You can also take care of yourself by using a creative outlet to express feelings and brace yourself for when grief “triggers” could occur. An example of this could be the person’s birthday coming up.
· One of the ideas seen throughout many websites was to make you share with your child they need to live life to the fullest.
Myths and Facts About Grief
MYTH: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.
FACT:For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.
MYTH: It’s important to be “be strong” in the face of loss.
FACT:Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.
MYTH: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.
FACT:Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.
MYTH: Grief should last about a year.
FACT: There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes can differ from person to person.
Source: Center for Grief and Healing
The Five Stages of Grief:
Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”
Not everyone will go through all five stages to heal their feelings, and you may not experience them in this order. In addition, there are actually some people who heal their grief without going through these stages.
Common Symptoms of Grief
Even though the loss of a loved one can affect people in different ways, many people experience the following symptoms when they’re grieving.
Shock and disbelief – the loss of a loved one can be hard to accept. You may feel numb, have trouble believing that the loss really happened, or even deny the truth.
Sadness – this is probably the most seen symptom of the loss of a loved one. There could be feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.
Guilt – You may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn’t say or do. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings (e.g. feeling relieved when the person died after a long, difficult illness).
Anger –if you lost a loved one, you may be angry with yourself, God, the doctors, or even the person who died for abandoning you. You may feel the need to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you.
Fear – A significant loss can trigger worries and fears. You may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure. The death of a loved one can trigger fears about your own mortality, facing life without that person, or the responsibilities you now face alone.
Physical symptoms –grief often involves physical problems, including fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss or weight gain, aches and pains, and insomnia.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm
Common Feelings, Thoughts, and Behaviors of the Grieving Child
Child retells events of the deceased's death and funeral.
Child dreams of the deceased.
Child feels the deceased is with him or her in some way.
Child rejects old friends and seeks new friends who have experienced a similar loss.
Child wants to call home during the school day.
Child can't concentrate on homework or class work.
Child bursts into tears in the middle of class.
Child seeks medical information on death of deceased.
Child worries excessively about his or her own health.
Child sometimes appears to be unfeeling about loss.
Child becomes "class clown" to get attention.
Child is overly concerned with caretaking needs.
Life & Loss (2000)
References For Information About Coping with Death
Goldman, Linda. Information About Children and Grief.http://www.childrensgrief.net/info%20-%20helping%20children%20with%20grief%20issues.htm
Lyness, D'Arcy. (2006, September).When Somebody Dies.http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/emotion/somedie.html#
Johnson, Patricia (2009). Coping With Death and Grief. http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/emotional_health/coping_with_death_and_grief.aspx
(2009). Talking to Your Preschooler About Death. http://life.familyeducation.com/death-and-dying/toddler/53840.html?detoured=1
http://www.childgrief.org/documents/HowtoHelp.pdf
http://www.hns.org/Portals/1/Myths%20and%20Facts%20About%20Grief.pdf
Annotated Website List
Lyness, D'Arcy. (2006, September).When Somebody Dies.http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/emotion/somedie.html#
This website is a great tool for parents to read or to read with their children to learn about what it means to grieve. It also talks about what to do if a loved one dies suddenly, or if it was because of old age. In addition, it discusses what the children can do to remember the person who has died.
Johnson, Patricia (2009). Coping With Death and Grief.http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/
emotional_health/coping_with_death_and_grief.aspx
This is great website for adults to look at to understand their grief better. It discusses the grieving process and how to better understand the feelings and emotions they may have. It also gives suggests on how to help loved ones grieve and cope with what is happening. Another aspect of this website which can be helpful is it identifies the differences between grief, trauma, and depression. This can be very key because some people have an extremely difficult timing with the grieving process and it can turn into depression and not grief.
Le-Bucklin, Khanh, & D’Augustine, Stephanie. (1996 06 January). Helping Children Grieve.http://www.drgreene.com/21_165.html
This website is for adults to read to understand how to help children better cope and go through the grieving process. It tells adults to watch for how the child seems to be dealing with the loss. It also advises to pay careful attention to the child’s physical needs like eating and sleeping. Overall, this website gives adults helpful tips to ensure their child is handling the loss the best they can.
(2009). Talking to Your Preschooler About Death. http://life.familyeducation.com/death-and-dying/toddler/53840.html?detoured=1
This website gives great information about how to bring up death with a young child. The give suggests about talking about death to make sure the child understand the concept of death before you tell them someone has died or will be dying. It also warns to be careful on how you phrase dying. For example, do not say its going to sleep and never waking up because your child may not want
to go to sleep.
Annotated Parent’s Book List
Canfield, Jack, & Hansen, Mark Victor. (2003). Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul.
Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, Inc.
This book provides stories of other people who have dealt with the loss of a loved one
and how they went through their grieving process. This can be an excellent book to read
to give the sense of support or the feeling of not being alone. The book is also broken into sections such as coping and healing, living again, and the power of support. This makes it easy for the reader if they are looking for a certain story for what emotions they are feeling.
Fitzgerald, Helen. (2003). The Grieving Child: A Parent’s Guide. New York: Fireside.
This is an excellent book for guardians to read to help their child through the grieving process. This book is a guide for parents to refer to and gives ideas on what to talk about and how to bring the topic up. This book also includes activities for the parent and child to do together to help grieve the loss of a loved one. The Grieving Child also identifies what the first year will be like and how to cope with what the year brings you. In addition, this book is not only for parents to help their children, but there are also sections in the book to help the parent with their grieving and coping process.
Gaughen, Shasta. (2003). Coping with Death. Greenhaven Press.
This book discusses not only how to deal with death, but also the idea of dying. Not only does this book also discuss how to cope with death, but the book also addresses the idea of an afterlife and what that could possibly mean. It also addresses how to prepare for death and medical issues that arise with death. In addition, it also contains ethical question about death and dying.
Huntley, Theresa. (2002). Helping Children Grieve: When Someone They Love Dies. Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Fortess.
This book is a great book for parents to read to understand how to talk to their children. It gives advice on how to talk in meaningful ways to help the child through this difficult time. This book does focus on faith and using spiritual tools to help children cope with the loss of a loved one. The author does describe to parents about what to expect when talking with their child about the loss of
someone.
Seibert, Dinah, & Catherine, Judy, & Fetro, Joyce V. (2003). Helping Children Live with Death and Loss.Southern Illinois University Press.
This book helps direct adults dealing with children who just lost a loved one. It gives advice depending on how old the child is and in what developmental stage the child maybe in. It helps identify the needs a child at different ages might need while going through this tough time. It also gives ideas on how to respond to a child going though a current loss.
Silverman, Phyllis. (2000). Never to Young to Know: Death in Children’s Lives. Oxford University Press US.
This is a great book because it addresses the issue that children do have a certain right to know about death. It addresses that death is a normal part of life and the life cycle; therefore, meaning children have a right to know what happens when someone dies. This also allows the children to cope with what is happening if they understand what is happening. This book uses stories from children who have had to deal with a death in their life along with research to help support the authors thoughts.
Annotated Children’s Books List
Goldman, Linda. (2006). Children Also Grieve: Talking About Death and Healing. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
This book had an interest twist on how to help children cope with the death of a loved one. It is told in the point of view of a dog that lives with a family who just lost their grandfather. It shows the three siblings who lost their grandfather, and how they are coping with the lost. One is very sad, one still does what they enjoy like singing, and the other sibling grieves through anger. This will help show the child there are different ways of coping for each person, and they are all normal and alright to feel.
Ferris, Diane J. (2009 September 2). Balloons for Mary: A Children's Book
about Grief and Coping with Death. AuthorHouse.
This book is a useful tool for children to learn about grief and how to cope with the feels. It is a story of a boy who lost his adult neighbor friend. This would be a great book for parents to use to help talk to their children about losing someone and how to deal with their emotions. It also talks about the importance of communicating your feelings.
Jaffe, Suzan. (2008 February 06). For the Grieving Child: An Activities Manual. Self Published.
This book has great benefits for children who just lost a loved one. It is a workbook of pages for the child to complete about what they are feelings and thinking. The introduction explains, on a child’s level of thinking, what death is and how a person can cope. After some chapters or sections in the book there are activities for the child to do to help express what they are feeling and/or thinking.
Shriver, Maria. (2007). What’s Heaven Like. New York: St. Martin’s Press.
This book is actually included in this Helping Hands Binder. It is a great book to read to children to help explain what happens to people after death. This book helps ask the questions child may wonder about. It talks about going to heaven, and how people feel after they lose a loved one. Its truly a great story children will love to listen to, and help them to understand what
is happening.
Thomas, Cristine Leeann. (2005). A Butterfly for Brittany: Children's Book About the Death of Another Child to Cancer.Brittany’s Book.
This is a great book to ready to children. It is sweet and caring. It tells about a little girl who is going to lose her cousin to cancer. This book would be a great opener to the discussion of death. It is a great book for kids because it does not make death or dying seem scary and only for old people. It will really offer great topics for an adult to discuss with their child.
Introduction to Helping Hands © Making Friends!
As children grow and develop, they make friends along the way. These friends are important parts of the children’s lives. In order to help children form great friendships, we need to know about how children make friends and how to help them do so.
Children begin to play in a friendship relationship right around preschool age. Before that age, children engage in parallel play, during which the children play alone right beside each other. Throughout elementary school, they make friends but may change friends often, and by the time children are around ten years old, they have more long-lasting friendships. If a child has difficulty making friends, it could be due to a variety of things, one of which could be medical conditions like Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Even an especially intellectually gifted child may have trouble making friends.
Fortunately, there are many things we can do to help. One way is to take the child to a variety of places and activities where he or she has an opportunity to make friends. These could include enrolling the child in a sport, club, or a special hobby class such a pottery or drawing studio. Help the child feel confident, perhaps by practicing with an adult or in the mirror, and show the child how to be a good friend by sharing, compromising, listening, and being generally concerned for another. When setting up a play date, make sure to keep the play date short at first so that the children don’t become too tired. It might help to role-play a play date with the child beforehand. If play does not spontaneously begin, providing an engaging activity such as coloring or painting could help.
If the child is shy and shows consistent negative feelings when trying to make friends, that child may not be ready to engage in these types of relationships yet. Be patient and let the child make friends when he or she feels ready.
Friendships are not only enjoyable but also provide confidence for children as they grow, develop, and learn about the world.
References
Brockenbrough, M. (2009). Friendship 101: Why friends are important, and how to help your kids succeed. Retrieved from http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/Features/Columns/?article=friends6ways
Iannelli, V. (2007). Making and keeping friends. Retrieved from http://pediatrics.about.com/od/growthanddevelopment/a/0807_mk_friends.htm
(2009). Kids’ health: Child and youth health. Retrieved from http://www.cyh.com/SubDefault.aspx?p=255
Websites for Families
(2009). Child & family webguide: Expert reviewed sites on children and families. Retrieved from http://www.cfw.tufts.edu/
(2009). Family education: Parenting advice, activities for children, family games & recipes. Retrieved from http://www.familyeducation.com
(2009). Kids’ health: Child and youth health. Retrieved from http://www.cyh.com/SubDefault.aspx?p=255
Helpful Books for Children
Espeland, P. (2006). Making choices and making friends: The social competencies assets. Minneapolis: Free Spirit.
Meiners, C. J. (2003). Join in and play. Minneapolis: Free Spirit.
Michelle, L. (1997). How kids make friends: Secrets for making lots of friends, no matter how shy you are. Evanston, IL: Freedom.
Rogers, F. (1987). Making friends. New York: Putnam & Grosset.
Shapiro, L. E. (2008). Let’s be friends: A workbook to help kids learn social skills & make great friends. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
Helpful Books for Parents
Bloomquist, M. L. (2005). Skills training for children with behavior problems, revised edition: A parent and practitioner guidebook. New York: Guilford.
Condrell, K. (2006). The unhappy child: What every parent needs to know. United States: Prometheus.
Ingersoll, B. D. (2001). Lonely, sad, and angry: How to help your unhappy child. United States: Specialty Press.
Rapoport, E. M. (2009). ADHD and social skills: A step-by-step guide for teachers and parents. United States: Rowman & Littlefield.
Thompson, M. (2002). Best friends, worst enemies: Understanding the social lives of children. United States: Ballantine.
Discipline:
According to numericlife It is so hard to discipline children nowadays. We used many approaches: time-outs, removal of privileges, yelling and spanking. Sometimes they work, many times they don't, and we give up. In a survey of more than 2,000 parents of children between the ages of 2 and 11,conducted by numericlife, researchers have found that more than 38% were using the same discipline methods their own parents used on them as a child. Overall, 45% of the parents using time-outs as a disciplinary action. Almost 42% removed their child's privileges, followed by 13% who resorted to yelling and 9% who opted to spank their children. Here is the bummer though- almost 31% of participants reported they believed their methods were not effective
So now the question is what kind of discipline should you use at your home?
According to familyeducation.com the seven most effective, kindest, most positive disciplinary techniques out there are education, expressing disapproval, having a little discussion, ignoring, separation and replacement, time-outs, and warnings. All these types of discipline show effectiveness when used in the right context.
Education is a disciplinary technique using education as a direct consequence of misbehavior. Education is an opportunity to move your child to thoughtful from his normal stance as thoughtless. In many cases, a child's misbehavior is based in ignorance. Racial slurs, or physically risky behavior (like smoking and driving too fast), can often be corrected easier and more effectively by a specifically educational response than by other forms of discipline (like scolding or making rules).
Expressing Disapproval is the simplest and most effective way of changing a child's behavior is to let her know that you disapprove of it. State your objections clearly, and give reasons. When your child hears your disappointment or disapproval, she may shape up. Your child needs your approval. Disapproval works when it is stated clearly-once. Don't nag, rub it in, carry on, or hold disapproval as a grudge.
When something goes wrong, the first and best response of all is usually to sit down and talk about it. Often, open communication is all that is needed to change behavior, or to make sure that a certain misbehavior doesn't happen again. All through this book are communication techniques you can use in your talks. You can talk with your child alone during special time and during family meetings.Use your discussions to point out natural consequences that might occur from the misbehavior. Kids sometimes need help seeing the chain of events, and understanding why they happen.
Ignoring: When you're faced with mild, irritating misbehavior, sometimes the best response is to ignore it. Ignoring is a very active behavior; it doesn't mean just letting it slide and neglecting your child. Ignoring a behavior requires: Making an active decision to ignore it, Paying attention silently while you are actively ignoring it, or Developing a poker face-a relaxed body, and straight, unimpressed face-and refuse to get riled by the annoying behavior. Kids often try out annoying behavior patterns, and, the more attention that is paid, the worse the patterns get. Ignoring is gentle, and it works. It's based on the premise that, for your child, negative attention will give him more satisfaction than will getting no attention.
Separation and Replacement: If Kids are bickering over an object take it away. If you separate a child from an object, make sure you replace the activity with something productive.
Time-outs separate a child from a situation in order to “break” the action and reset it on a new track. Time-outs take the child out of an environment that is reinforcing the negative behavior. For school age kids, time-outs shouldn't always be timed, they should allow the child enough time to change his mood on his own.
Parenting Books on Discipline:
Phelan, T. W. (2003). 1-2-3 Magic: effective discipline for children 2-12. Parent magic Inc.
Addressing the task of disciplining children ages 2 through 12 without arguing, yelling, or spanking. This audio program offers easy-to-follow steps to immediately manage troublesome behavior with reason, patience, and compassion. Parents and teachers learn how to encourage and respect children’s growing independence with 10 strategies for building self-esteem. Also discussed are the three most important qualities for parents or teachers to exhibit in order to foster competence in kids. Tips are included on how to prevent homework arguments, make mealtimes more enjoyable, conduct effective family meetings, and encourage children to start doing their household chores. How to avoid over-parenting, build children’s social skills, and apply the program within mental health agencies and classrooms.
Divinyi, J (2004). Discipline That Works: 5 Simple Steps . Wellness Connection.
Helps readers understand the difference between discipline and punishment. It provides guidelines and suggestions for helping young people learn from mistakes by teaching them self-control skills and new ways to handle difficult situations.
Barkley, Russell, (1998). Your Defiant Child: 8 Steps to Better Behavior . Guilford Publications Inc.
Every child has "ornery" moments, but more than 1 in 20 American children exhibit behavioral problems that are out of control. For readers struggling with an unyielding or combative child, this book offers the understanding and guidance they need. The book clearly explains what causes defiance, when it becomes a problem, and how it can be resolved. The book's comprehensive eight-step program stresses consistency and cooperation, promoting changes through a system of praise, rewards, and discipline. Learn tools and strategies for establishing clear patterns of discipline, communicating with children on a level they can understand, and reducing family stress overall. Filled with helpful charts, questionnaires, and checklists that will help get your family back on track and restore harmony in the home.
Leman, K (2005). Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours . Baker Publishing Group.
A compassionate and no-nonsense approach to child raising that teaches parents how to reasonably command discipline from their children while cultivating their love and respect.
Severe, S (2003). How to Behave So Your Child Will, Too! . Penguin Group (USA) Incorporated.
Shows why a child's behavior is often a reflection of the parents' behavior, and how, by making changes themselves, parents can achieve dramatic results in their children.
Instead of focusing on what children do wrong, this book teaches you what you can do right, by emphasizing the positive (reinforcing good behavior instead of criticizing your child), by being consistent (not giving in to misbehavior just to placate your child), and by being more patient, recognizing that children often operate on a different time schedule. It teaches you how to teach your children to behave, to listen -- the first time -- and to be more cooperative. It shows you how to manage your anger and how to prevent arguments and power struggles.
Children Books on Discipline:
Peck, L (2005). Choosing the Right Club. Golden Wings Enterprises.
A good way to instruct children is by using fictional characters that they can relate to in real life. One of the best series of books utilizing this approach is Lisa J. Pack's "Choosing the Right". Let the lead character, Brittany, show your children how to make the right behavior choices.
Sendak, M (1988). Where The Wild Things Are. HarperCollins Publishers.
Max is sent to bed without supper and imagines sailing away to the land of Wild Things, where he is made king. As you travel with him you see him experience the consequences of his actions.
Lord, C (2008). Rules. Scholastic Inc.
Twelve-year-old Catherine just wants a normal life. Which is near impossible when you have a brother with autism and a family that revolves around his disability. She's spent years trying to teach David the rules from "a peach is not a funny-looking apple" to "keep your pants on in public"---in order to head off David's embarrassing behaviors.
But the summer Catherine meets Jason, a surprising, new sort-of friend, and Kristi, the next-door friend she's always wished for, it's her own shocking behavior that turns everything upside down and forces her to ask: What is normal?
Verdict, E (2003). Teeth Are Not For Biting . Free Spirit Publishing Inc.
“Crunch crunch crunch. Teeth are strong and sharp. Crunch crunch crunch. Teeth can help you chew. But teeth are not for biting. Ouch! Biting hurts.” Sooner or later, almost all young children will bite someone—a friend, a parent, a sibling. This upbeat, colorful, virtually indestructible book helps prevent biting and teaches positive alternatives. Gives reasons why children might want to bite. Little mouths feel sore when new teeth come in; sometimes kids bite when they’re hungry, tired, cranky, frustrated, angry, bored, distressed, or seeking attention.
Agassi, M (2006). Hands are not for hitting. Free Spirit Publishing Inc.
Children learn that violence is never okay, that they can manage their anger and other strong feelings, and that they’re capable of positive, loving actions—like playing, making music, learning, counting, helping, taking care, and much more. Includes a special section for adults with activities and discussion starters.
Helpful Websites on Discipline:
Dr. Mac (200). Dr. Mac’s Behavior Management Site. Retrieved from http://www.behavioradvisor.com/
Nelsen, J (2009). Positive Discipline: creating respectful relationships in home and school. Retrieved from http://www.positivediscipline.com/
The Master Teacher Inc (2002). You Can Handle Them All: a reference for handling over 117 misbehaviors at home and school. Retrieved from http://www.disciplinehelp.com/
I'm Sleepy
A Bedtime Routine
Welcome to Helping Hands©!
This program offers a helping hand for children dealing with various situations that may arise in their lives. This information can be helpful for your entire family or one you may know. The people best equipped to help a child are the people closest to them. Children are precious complex things, asking for help is never a weakness but not asking when help is available is.
Each Helping Hands binder contains a list of children and parenting books that pertain to a subject, useful websites, and information on the related topic.
Every family, every child, is different. And we had to experiment a lot to find that out. (childrenssleepproject.com/tag/bedtime-routine/)
Welcome to I’m Sleepy, A Bedtime Routine
Children love and need security; one tested way to achieve a sense of security is to establish routines. Experts say children need 9-12 hours of sleep a night (Psychcentral.com). Such a big chunk of their day requires special attention. They are younger, their bodies and minds are still growing now is the time to mold them into great adults.
Getting a child to bed can be one of the greatest hassles of child rearing. Every child thinks their families are having the time of their lives while they are shut in a dark room. This Helping Hands© Binder contains ideas, suggestions and tools to make going to bed a nurturing healthy affair.
Children who get enough sleep are more likely to function better and are less prone to behavioral problems and moodiness (sleepforkids.org).
According to the National Sleep Foundation's (NSF) 2004 Sleep in America poll about 69 percent of children 10 and under experience some type of sleep problem (sleepforkids.org).
Now that you understand why bedtime is so important indulge in this binder. It contains information about healthy bedtime routines, alternate solutions to a child who won’t go to bed, books about bedtime for children and adults, helpful websites, as well as other useful information.
References For Children’s Books
Arnold, T. (1987). No Jumping on the Bed. New York: Penguin Group USA.
This book is about a boy who jumps on his bed too hard and crashes through the many levels of his apartment complex. He sees a different scene in every floor. It exaggerates the consequences of not going to bed when portrayed in a funny manner.
Boynton, S. (2009). (Pookie Books). New York: Robin Corey Books.
It's evening, and mom patiently eases Pookie, an adorable piglet, toward bed. Pookie cooperates (mostly)--though with that particular Pookie flair. Told in Boynton's signature rhyme and illustrations, this humorous and gentle story will bring joy to all who open its pages.
Brown, M. W. (2005). Goodnight Moon, 60th Anniversary Edition. New York: HarperCollins.
This book makes almost any child sleepy. Its repetitious phrases of Night-Night, Little Pookie telling the whole house goodnight makes a child ready to say goodnight by the final page. It travels in and out of the house telling everything goodnight.
Mayer, M. (2001). Just Go to Bed (Pictureback(R)). New York: Random ). Just Go to Bed House Books for Young Readers.
This Book follows a young hedgehog and his dad going through the boys bedtime routine. The boy finds imaginative reasons for not going to bed. For example the boy is taking a bath and he claims he is the commander of a submarine and can't leave his troops to drown.
Schade, B. &. (1988). I Love You Goodnight. New York: Simon & Schuster Children's Publishing.
This Book goes follows a mother and a daughter through the various stages of bedtime, such as brushing her teeth and taking a bath. While the mother and daughter exchange how much they love each other. For example the little girl says "I love you like a frog loves flies!" and the mom replies, "I love you like a pig loves pies!"
References For Parenting Books
C., P., & Friman, P. (2005). Good Night, Sweet Dreams, I Love You: Now Get Into Bed And Go To Sleep!. Boys Town: Boys Town Press
Child psychologist Dr. Patrick Friman outlines the problems related to bedtime for children from infancy through middle school and gives you advice and tips on how to handle them. In many cases, he provides several options so you can choose the approach you feel most comfortable with. His suggestions can help end those bedtime hassles and get you and your child the good nights sleep you both need. Winner of The National Parenting Center Spring 2005 Seal of Approval
Canter, L., & Canter, M. (1996). No More Bedtime Battles: Simple Solutions to Bedtime Problems (Effective Parenting Books Series). Los Angeles: Canter & Associates.
One can read this book in about 45 minutes, which is a plus for the very busy parent. The information is presented in a very straightforward manner. There are helpful tips for all types of different bedtime battles, from the child who gets out of bed a million times to the child who refuses to turn off the TV to get in bed. This book seems to be geared more towards school age children.
Macgregor, C. (2005). Everything Get Your Baby to Sleep Book: Solve Common Problems So You Can Rest, Too (Everything: Parenting and Family). Avon: Adams Media Corporation.
Your baby seems tired-she acts cranky and fussy-but when you put her down for a nap or bedtime, why won't she sleep? Is she hungry, is it too loud or too bright, or is she sick or uncomfortable? Which of these factors really keep her from sleeping through the night? With The Everything(r) Get Your Baby to Sleep Book, you'll learn to read your baby's needs-from establishing a bedtime routine and soothing your baby to sleep to finding the right crib and getting your baby used to new surroundings
Nelsen, M. R. (1996). The Terrific, No Tears Bedtime Book. Washington: Partners In Learning, Inc..
This little book is a dynamite solution because it has a definite, no tears ending to a well-defined ritual. Children love the book because all the choices are theirs. When children feel "ownership" of something, they are ready to cooperate. Parents love the book because it takes the tears out of bedtime and puts a happy ending on the day for everyone.
(2005). The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers: Gentle Ways to Stop Bedtime Battles and Improve Your Childs Sleep: Foreword by Dr. Harvey Kar [NO-CRY SLEEP SOLUTION FOR TODD]. New York: McGraw-Hill.
Getting babies to sleep through the night is one thing; getting willful toddlers and energetic preschoolers to sleep is another problem altogether. Written to help sleep-deprived parents of children ages one to five, The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers offers loving solutions to help this active age-group get the rest they, and their parents, so desperately need.
Websites To Check Out
1. http://www.sleepforkids.org/html/sheet.html
2. http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-value-of-a-childs-bedtime-routine/
3. http://childrenssleepproject.com/tag/bedtime-routine/
Autism
Autism
One out of every one- hundred and sixty-six births are children born with autism. It is the fastest-growing developmental disability In America.Autism is four times more prevalent in boys than in girls. More than eighty percent of millions of Americans with an autistic disorder are males. (Kunzig)“Autism is a spectrum of characteristics that range from children with significant cognitive and verbal impairment to those children who are extremely high functioning.” (Autism Society America)
Some children with autism will face issues like physical aggression, self-injury and tantrums. Displaying social skills is a challenge for those with autism. Even the high functioning autistic children have difficulty with social skills. Communication might include speech patterns or restricted topics. It might also be hard for a student with autism to enjoy a game with other people, but instead be strongly into computers or video games; activities they can do alone. Rockingor pacing back and forth can also be a sign of autism.Young autistic children seem to be unusually organized, lining up shoes in order, etc. Autistic children do more synthesizing than empathizing. This means they do not interpret emotional feelings of others; they relate more to things.Physical aggression includes hitting others or destroying objects. (Institute for Educational Development)
The interaction between teachers and parents of children with autism is very crucial. The key to an autistic child’s growth and development is connected directly to the child’s parent and teacher relationship. As a teacher, the most important piece of information I can give to parents is to not wait and see if your child “grows out” of autistic characteristics. Often parents hope that the signs they see their child show of autism will just disappear. The best thing that you can do for your child is to get them tested as soon as you have any indication that they might have autism. Early diagnosis is crucial to a child’s success. A psychologist or doctor that has experience and knowledge about autism can make an initial diagnosis.If your child is diagnosed with autism, the next step that a parent must take is to educate him/herself on the topic. By reading this Helping Hands packet, you as parents will gain some basic information on autism. As a parent, it will be helpful to gain information about what your child will be going through and how you can best help them succeed academically and sociallyalong the way.
When it comes to informing your child that they have autism it is important that it is meaningful to them. Do not give your child too much information that may make them feel overwhelmed. Overtime you can give them more information. If your child seems very interested in learning more about autism, it would be great for them to read some grade-level appropriate books to help them better understand the disorder. If your child has questions, make sure to understand what they are asking and make your response meaningful. Some children may take a longer time to process what they are being told. A couple months later, they could come to you with questions. It is also beneficial to some children to meet others with the same diagnosis. It might help them to better understand themselves and the world around them. By seeing that other children have autism, it will help them see that they are not alone.
Some tips for parents to help your child would be to establish a daily method of communication between home and school. Like I stated before, it is crucial that the communication between parents and teachers is clear and understood. Having a daily routine and schedule are very important. Autistic children love to know what they are doing and what is coming up. When the routine is messed up it can cause lots of stress and frantic behavior. Another tip for parents would be to forgive and move on to the future. Try not to dwell on past mistakes, but keep your mind open to what is to come. Parents can suggest to their child to make friends with other classmates and adults at school. It is important that parents don’t give their child too many suggestions at once. It is better to give minimal suggestions over time. Use non-verbal communication such as pointing or thumbs up. Try to always use a calm voice. Offer your child helping books or articles about autism so that they can learn more about themselves and how they can help themselves in the future. If your child struggles with keeping anger built up inside, suggest e-mail, poetry or even acting. Checklists are very helpful for children with autism. (Indiana’s Autism Leadership Network.)
As a teacher, I will help teach your child many things that will help him or her with their future and living with autism. I will teach them good communication, friendship, how to focus on others, conversation phrases and when to use them, plus many other useful topics. Schedule, routine, and structure will be emphasized in my classroom. It is my goal to work with parents hand in hand to help their child receive the best education.
Books for Students:
Jackson, L. (2003) Freeks, geeks and Asperger Syndrome: A user guide to adolescence. Philidelphia,PA. Jessica Kingsley Publishers Ltd.
Lawson, W.(2003). Build your own life: A self-help guide for individuals with Asperger syndrome. Philadelphia, PA: Jessica Kingsley Publishers Ltd.
Gerland,G. (2000). Finding out about asperger syndome, highfunctioning austism and PDD. Philidelphia, PA: Jessica Kingsley Publishers. Ltd.
Edwards, A. (2001).Taking Autism to School. New York. JayJo Books, L.L.C.
Thompson,M.(2002).Andy and His Yellow Frisbe. Bonnie Sayers.
Books For Parents:
Freeman, Sabrina. (1996). Teach Me Language: A Language Manual for Children With Autism, Asperger’s Syndrome and Related Developmental Disorders. Skf books.
Notbohm, Ellen and Zysk, Veronica.(2004) 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders. Texas: Furture Horizons
Hall, K. (2001).Asperger Syndome, the universe and everything. Philadelphia, PA: Jessica Kinsley Publishers Ltd.
Newport, J. (2001). Your life is not a label.
Arlington,TX: Future Horizons, Inc.
Willey, L.H. (1999). Pretending to be normal: Living with Asperger Syndome. Philadelphia, PA: Jessica Kingsley Publishers, Ltd.
Death In The Family
Dear Reader,
Life can have many struggles and obstacles to overcome. Sometimes it is during these difficult times we could use a helping hand the most. This is my offer to you, to be your helping hand whenever you need support in your life. Whether it is nutrition for your family, discipline, or dealing with the stress of life I will be your helping hand. I feel this is my duty as a teacher to be there for my students and their family during there times of hardship. That is why I have Helping Hand binders located in my room to help provide support for you whenever you find yourself in need of a hand. These Helping Hand binders are here for you to use whenever a time of need arises for you. Please never hesitate to ask for a Helping Hand. Please refer to the following page for the list of Helping Hand binders, and for information on how to check out the binders.
Sincerely,
Maggie A. Raab
(812) 212-4757
[email protected]
In order to keep Helping Hands running efficiently I would greatly appreciate if the following procedure was used. Please first contact me through email, phone, or in person whichever method is easiest for you. I will then have a sheet in the back of the binder where I will right your name, the date from when you may take it, and the day you will need to please return it. If there is ever an instance when you cannot return the binder on the date please just notify me. Here is a list of the Helping Hand binders I have located in my classroom.
· I have a new baby sister/brother
· Someone in my family died
· My pet died
· Can I help? (responsibility)
· Green beans are good (nutrition)
· I’m sleepy (bedtime routine)
· I can’t breathe (asthma)
· What’s for dinner (family dinners)
· Someone in my family is in the hospital
· My parents don’t live together anymore (separation, divorce, or single families)
· Sibling rivalry
Someone in my Family Died
Dealing with death of a loved one is hard part of life to cope with. It provides hard obstacles to overcome not only for adults, but for young children too. Sometimes it can be harder for young child because they are unable to communicate how they feel or are unsure of what they are feeling. Here are tips to help talk to your children about death, and ways for the children to cope.
· It is NEVER too soon to talk about death with your child. They have a right to know and understand death especially if it has or will happen to a loved one soon.
· Begin talking to the children about death using a plants life first to make sure the child understands the process. They need to understand that there is a birth to everything and a death to all living organisms. This will also allow children to ask questions and share their thoughts about death.
· Another purpose for starting your discuss on death this way is to help steer the child away from having fearful thoughts about someone they love dying right now.
· After discussing death with your child be ready for questions such as “Will you die?” The best way to answer this is honestly saying yes I will but no one knows when that will happen.
· Be careful how you word someone dying such as the feel asleep and will not be waking up again because this could frighten the child into not wanting to sleep. Or saying they went away and are not coming back. This might lead the child to be afraid to go somewhere such as a family trip for fear they will not come back.
· It is also important the child knows that it is not just older people who die. Sometimes unfortunate events happen to young people, which lead to their death. It is also these deaths that can be the hardest for families to deal with because they happen so fast. This is one of the hardest because there is no time for the family to prepare themselves mentally for the loss of this person, as there would be in the case of someone being terminally ill.
· Discuss your faith or beliefs with the child about what happens to the person after the have died. For example, they are in heaven now living with the rest of the family that has passed on.
· It is important to look at photo albums or visit the grave with the child to help them remember the loved one they lost. This person will always be apart of the family; therefore, should remain in memories and discussions. Plus sometimes talking about them can help through the grieving process.
· Have your child draw pictures or write a story to help them through their grieving process. Using a creative outlet is a great way to express your feelings and share your thoughts.
· Let child attend the funeral with the child wishes. This helps the child not to be in denial about the death and allows them to actively participate in the grieving process with the family.The funeral also provides a chance for the child to see how people comfort one another and honor his/her life.
· Be up front with the child about what events will be happening in the following days so they are better prepared for what will be happening.
· Find support to help you through your struggling time. This support could come from family, friends, your church or faith, a support group, or from a therapist.
· You also must remember that during this time of grief you must take care of yourself. This is through facing your feelings and not letting people tell you how to feel or even tell yourself how to feel. You can also take care of yourself by using a creative outlet to express feelings and brace yourself for when grief “triggers” could occur. An example of this could be the person’s birthday coming up.
· One of the ideas seen throughout many websites was to make you share with your child they need to live life to the fullest.
Myths and Facts About Grief
MYTH: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.
FACT:For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.
MYTH: It’s important to be “be strong” in the face of loss.
FACT:Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.
MYTH: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.
FACT:Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.
MYTH: Grief should last about a year.
FACT: There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes can differ from person to person.
Source: Center for Grief and Healing
The Five Stages of Grief:
Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”
Not everyone will go through all five stages to heal their feelings, and you may not experience them in this order. In addition, there are actually some people who heal their grief without going through these stages.
Common Symptoms of Grief
Even though the loss of a loved one can affect people in different ways, many people experience the following symptoms when they’re grieving.
Shock and disbelief – the loss of a loved one can be hard to accept. You may feel numb, have trouble believing that the loss really happened, or even deny the truth.
Sadness – this is probably the most seen symptom of the loss of a loved one. There could be feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.
Guilt – You may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn’t say or do. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings (e.g. feeling relieved when the person died after a long, difficult illness).
Anger –if you lost a loved one, you may be angry with yourself, God, the doctors, or even the person who died for abandoning you. You may feel the need to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you.
Fear – A significant loss can trigger worries and fears. You may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure. The death of a loved one can trigger fears about your own mortality, facing life without that person, or the responsibilities you now face alone.
Physical symptoms –grief often involves physical problems, including fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss or weight gain, aches and pains, and insomnia.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm
Common Feelings, Thoughts, and Behaviors of the Grieving Child
Child retells events of the deceased's death and funeral.
Child dreams of the deceased.
Child feels the deceased is with him or her in some way.
Child rejects old friends and seeks new friends who have experienced a similar loss.
Child wants to call home during the school day.
Child can't concentrate on homework or class work.
Child bursts into tears in the middle of class.
Child seeks medical information on death of deceased.
Child worries excessively about his or her own health.
Child sometimes appears to be unfeeling about loss.
Child becomes "class clown" to get attention.
Child is overly concerned with caretaking needs.
Life & Loss (2000)
References For Information About Coping with Death
Goldman, Linda. Information About Children and Grief.http://www.childrensgrief.net/info%20-%20helping%20children%20with%20grief%20issues.htm
Lyness, D'Arcy. (2006, September).When Somebody Dies.http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/emotion/somedie.html#
Johnson, Patricia (2009). Coping With Death and Grief. http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/emotional_health/coping_with_death_and_grief.aspx
(2009). Talking to Your Preschooler About Death. http://life.familyeducation.com/death-and-dying/toddler/53840.html?detoured=1
http://www.childgrief.org/documents/HowtoHelp.pdf
http://www.hns.org/Portals/1/Myths%20and%20Facts%20About%20Grief.pdf
Annotated Website List
Lyness, D'Arcy. (2006, September).When Somebody Dies.http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/emotion/somedie.html#
This website is a great tool for parents to read or to read with their children to learn about what it means to grieve. It also talks about what to do if a loved one dies suddenly, or if it was because of old age. In addition, it discusses what the children can do to remember the person who has died.
Johnson, Patricia (2009). Coping With Death and Grief.http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/
emotional_health/coping_with_death_and_grief.aspx
This is great website for adults to look at to understand their grief better. It discusses the grieving process and how to better understand the feelings and emotions they may have. It also gives suggests on how to help loved ones grieve and cope with what is happening. Another aspect of this website which can be helpful is it identifies the differences between grief, trauma, and depression. This can be very key because some people have an extremely difficult timing with the grieving process and it can turn into depression and not grief.
Le-Bucklin, Khanh, & D’Augustine, Stephanie. (1996 06 January). Helping Children Grieve.http://www.drgreene.com/21_165.html
This website is for adults to read to understand how to help children better cope and go through the grieving process. It tells adults to watch for how the child seems to be dealing with the loss. It also advises to pay careful attention to the child’s physical needs like eating and sleeping. Overall, this website gives adults helpful tips to ensure their child is handling the loss the best they can.
(2009). Talking to Your Preschooler About Death. http://life.familyeducation.com/death-and-dying/toddler/53840.html?detoured=1
This website gives great information about how to bring up death with a young child. The give suggests about talking about death to make sure the child understand the concept of death before you tell them someone has died or will be dying. It also warns to be careful on how you phrase dying. For example, do not say its going to sleep and never waking up because your child may not want
to go to sleep.
Annotated Parent’s Book List
Canfield, Jack, & Hansen, Mark Victor. (2003). Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul.
Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, Inc.
This book provides stories of other people who have dealt with the loss of a loved one
and how they went through their grieving process. This can be an excellent book to read
to give the sense of support or the feeling of not being alone. The book is also broken into sections such as coping and healing, living again, and the power of support. This makes it easy for the reader if they are looking for a certain story for what emotions they are feeling.
Fitzgerald, Helen. (2003). The Grieving Child: A Parent’s Guide. New York: Fireside.
This is an excellent book for guardians to read to help their child through the grieving process. This book is a guide for parents to refer to and gives ideas on what to talk about and how to bring the topic up. This book also includes activities for the parent and child to do together to help grieve the loss of a loved one. The Grieving Child also identifies what the first year will be like and how to cope with what the year brings you. In addition, this book is not only for parents to help their children, but there are also sections in the book to help the parent with their grieving and coping process.
Gaughen, Shasta. (2003). Coping with Death. Greenhaven Press.
This book discusses not only how to deal with death, but also the idea of dying. Not only does this book also discuss how to cope with death, but the book also addresses the idea of an afterlife and what that could possibly mean. It also addresses how to prepare for death and medical issues that arise with death. In addition, it also contains ethical question about death and dying.
Huntley, Theresa. (2002). Helping Children Grieve: When Someone They Love Dies. Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Fortess.
This book is a great book for parents to read to understand how to talk to their children. It gives advice on how to talk in meaningful ways to help the child through this difficult time. This book does focus on faith and using spiritual tools to help children cope with the loss of a loved one. The author does describe to parents about what to expect when talking with their child about the loss of
someone.
Seibert, Dinah, & Catherine, Judy, & Fetro, Joyce V. (2003). Helping Children Live with Death and Loss.Southern Illinois University Press.
This book helps direct adults dealing with children who just lost a loved one. It gives advice depending on how old the child is and in what developmental stage the child maybe in. It helps identify the needs a child at different ages might need while going through this tough time. It also gives ideas on how to respond to a child going though a current loss.
Silverman, Phyllis. (2000). Never to Young to Know: Death in Children’s Lives. Oxford University Press US.
This is a great book because it addresses the issue that children do have a certain right to know about death. It addresses that death is a normal part of life and the life cycle; therefore, meaning children have a right to know what happens when someone dies. This also allows the children to cope with what is happening if they understand what is happening. This book uses stories from children who have had to deal with a death in their life along with research to help support the authors thoughts.
Annotated Children’s Books List
Goldman, Linda. (2006). Children Also Grieve: Talking About Death and Healing. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
This book had an interest twist on how to help children cope with the death of a loved one. It is told in the point of view of a dog that lives with a family who just lost their grandfather. It shows the three siblings who lost their grandfather, and how they are coping with the lost. One is very sad, one still does what they enjoy like singing, and the other sibling grieves through anger. This will help show the child there are different ways of coping for each person, and they are all normal and alright to feel.
Ferris, Diane J. (2009 September 2). Balloons for Mary: A Children's Book
about Grief and Coping with Death. AuthorHouse.
This book is a useful tool for children to learn about grief and how to cope with the feels. It is a story of a boy who lost his adult neighbor friend. This would be a great book for parents to use to help talk to their children about losing someone and how to deal with their emotions. It also talks about the importance of communicating your feelings.
Jaffe, Suzan. (2008 February 06). For the Grieving Child: An Activities Manual. Self Published.
This book has great benefits for children who just lost a loved one. It is a workbook of pages for the child to complete about what they are feelings and thinking. The introduction explains, on a child’s level of thinking, what death is and how a person can cope. After some chapters or sections in the book there are activities for the child to do to help express what they are feeling and/or thinking.
Shriver, Maria. (2007). What’s Heaven Like. New York: St. Martin’s Press.
This book is actually included in this Helping Hands Binder. It is a great book to read to children to help explain what happens to people after death. This book helps ask the questions child may wonder about. It talks about going to heaven, and how people feel after they lose a loved one. Its truly a great story children will love to listen to, and help them to understand what
is happening.
Thomas, Cristine Leeann. (2005). A Butterfly for Brittany: Children's Book About the Death of Another Child to Cancer.Brittany’s Book.
This is a great book to ready to children. It is sweet and caring. It tells about a little girl who is going to lose her cousin to cancer. This book would be a great opener to the discussion of death. It is a great book for kids because it does not make death or dying seem scary and only for old people. It will really offer great topics for an adult to discuss with their child.
Thank you for visiting!